The difference in one year can be drastic. To the mother of a new born, the difference of one year is a more regular sleep pattern. To a fifth grade student, the difference of a year is leaving to comforts of the only school they have known to a school that makes them change classes. During those years it seems time takes forever. That one year seems like such a long time away.
My difference of a year right now is the difference of a person that was a huge influence in my life being here or now being gone. That year has seemed to pass so quickly. I know without a shadow of a doubt that she is in a better place. I would have never wanted her to stay if that meant she had to stay in pain that she was living with.
Here’s the thing- so many people said it would get easier. I thought I didn’t want it to get easier because that would mean that some how I had forgotten or not loved her as much anymore. This year has taught me that isn’t true. The love that she taught me is carried through my still being here. It takes more than her not being here to break the bond that has been created.
If anything I want to do more the way she taught me. I want more things made from scratch. I want home made quilts. More than anything, I want to be able to know at the end of my life that I will be surrounded by those that love me because I loved them to thoroughly. I want to be able to laugh, dance, and have inside jokes with my kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids.
At the end of the day, I want to have the bond with others that she had with me.