This post has been a work in progress for some time now… I have been working on my notes from Catalyst and will be making some posts about everything that I have been trying to soak in from ATL. The second sermon from Vintage was the final piece for me to push me to finish this post.
I struggle to see God’s grace in my own life. All I see are my screw-ups – the things that I should have done, shouldn’t have done, and was just plain stupid to even think about doing. The big things especially, the things that don’t go away, the things that you live with the consequences for the rest of your life. Now I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would not be the person that I am today if I had not dealt with, lived through, and, yes, even learned from these things. But given how big my screw-ups are and how messed up I am, I struggle with really believing and especially living like God’s grace and love really covers all of my junk.
The ironic thing is – I have no problem telling others how much God loves them no matter how big the issue is. I have no problem referring to my favorite scriptures to convince them that God’s love is bigger than anything. So why is it so difficult for me to accept it and own it for myself?
During Catalyst the Francis Chan spoke on Thursday evening. This hour was one of the biggest hours for me of the entire weekend. Francis talked about how he felt the exact same way that I have been trying to explain. He, of course, was able to put it so eloquently and deliberately that every person in the building understood and connected with him. He said that we are constantly giving and showing God’s grace, that at the end of the day we are just spent. When we reflect back, we don’t see the opportunities that we were giving the grace – just the opportunities that we were really needing and lacking grace.
This week in Vintage @ ,RPC as Timm was going through the scripture (2 Corinthians 5) it really resonated with me. If God was willing to take all the wrong stuff, all the junk that I keep dwelling on and place it all on Jesus shoulders so that I would have the opportunity to live and be right with Him, who in the world do I think that I am to keep picking that junk back up? At the point that I gave my life over to Him, He already knew the bone headed crap that I would get myself into, but he accepted me – junk and all.
So every time that I go beyond God’s grace, and pick back up the junk that He forgave me of a long time ago, I am not only selling myself short, but I am effectively selling Jesus short. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to quit getting in my own way, and just let God’s way be the only way.